That Drifting Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Letdowns of the Past Year.
As we consider the television offerings of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or just reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third series started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the final series. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too on-the-nose. Yet, fans certainly found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a small sob?
All’s Fair
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the least of this show's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the problems. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The seemingly wilful parade of cliches? Performances so bad they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have known it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Shady figures convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint lifestyle as intentional statements. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Rather, the experience was akin to consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any favours with this cagey letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.
Too Much
How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt icky.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd recruitment of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from strangely breezy, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a discovery that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
The Bonnie Blue Documentary
This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
